I see you, woman, my equal
Last week Sunday I attended an event titled “Breaking out of the Mould” organized by an organization called “Gratis Fidelis Caritas” or “GFC”. GFC is a non-profit women’s network with focus on women’s networking, entrepreneurship, advocacy and charity. I was there to support my wife, Affi, who had been asked to be on a panel about women in business and feminism. Affi initially wasn’t as keen to accept because she felt a lot of the discussions concerning women don’t probe the real issues. I was intrigued, and encouraged her to go and I’d also tag along. It turned out to be an awakening for me about a topic I have not consciously engaged in a long time, though every fibre of my being agrees with, gender equality.
The keynote was by Minna Salami and then there was a panel discussion about feminism and gender equality with Q&A. Minna hit home the point that from birth, frankly even pre-birth, girls are setup as lower than boys in society. Girls are not allowed to do certain things because it is only for boys. Boys, not girls, are the breadwinner in the family. Girls are to learn to cook and take care of the home — not boys. Surprisingly, not all women in the room agreed with removing gender roles. A few women supported the notion that they did not want to have equal responsibility for “paying school fees etc.” — let the man do that they posited. I loved Affi’s response to this view — having equal rights means you can discuss that with your husband and make a joint decision versus not being expected at all to participate.
Affi’s core view on equality is that when women have economic freedom they will push for equality. Thus economics is the core issue to deal with. I think she makes a really good point but I don’t fully agree with it. After-all it is our own mothers, many of whom — like mine — were trailblazers and had economic freedom, that taught us gender roles as kids. Economics is very important but not the only issue to address. There is a deep cultural and structural issue that could take generations to unlearn or remove.
Other panelists discussed how they balance being a mother with their careers. Also how the Nigerian constitution and culture puts women as second class citizens. To buttress this point further, this week the Nigerian Senate rejected a bill to give women equal rights in marriage, education, and jobs! I mean, are we in the stone ages?!?
I’ve spent the last week thinking about gender equality and concluded that there is so much to unlearn for all of us, even those of us who consider ourselves progressive or non-traditional. The battle for gender equality has to be fought in all spheres of life and it is by setting the right examples and fighting for legal status that we will change our society.
Women are equal to men. There is no basis for any other viewpoint.
In terms of family, the only natural difference I see is that a man cannot get pregnant. Even on that front, women are heroes by going through what most men cannot even dare or imagine. Once the baby is born the responsibility to take care of the baby belongs to the parent(s) of the child equally. People argue that because the baby was carried by the mother she has a closer bond. I’ve always been skeptical of that argument, I think it is more emotional than anything else. I believe within the home all responsibilities should be shared equitably in partnership and not based on any societal views of gender roles.
In the work place there is no basis for gender inequality. The best person for the job should be hired and people should be paid the appropriate market rates. Research does show that women are not best at negotiating for themselves, but they are awesome at negotiating for others. Women need to take that into mind when negotiating salaries etc. In Nigeria we see that household staff treat women differently — the oga (“boss” and typically the man) is the one they listen to — they have been trained that way but we need to consciously change that by correcting them and requiring the same respect to the woman.
At the end of a meeting with two female colleagues in my office this week I said “thanks guys”. I caught myself and mumbled some sort of correction. I think I need to remove the word “guys” from my vocabulary. Not because of being politically correct but because it implies that a woman should want to be one of the boys — why is that the case?
We have a long way to go, we must unlearn so many things. We also must fight the battle on all fronts and be the example to others. If you agree with me on the importance of gender equality please set the example in your life — both at work and especially at home, join the petition to get the Senate bill signed here.
All men should acknowledge and truly “see” women as equal!
